he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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