I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
