Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
