ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Found the puke drawer
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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