he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
