Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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