you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize