I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
