I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
