I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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