Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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