I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
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Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
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I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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