How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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