do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
