I hate your face
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
