some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
