I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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