What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
