i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
