I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
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You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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