how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
