No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
