I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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