If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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