you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
