Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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