UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
