I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
