Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
