Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
