Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
