New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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