Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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