If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
