Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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