i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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