the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
