I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
