Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
