My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
