You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
