I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
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i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
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Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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