Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
