my text book just quoted the cookie monster
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize