i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
it's great music for shaving your balls
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
