Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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