ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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