so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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