I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
