Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
