if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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