All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
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she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
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When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My bed smells like the plague
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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