My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
