Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
