I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
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And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
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He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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