You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
