I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
