just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
