I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
