I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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