I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
