I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
