Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just found a bag of teeth...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
