would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
