Where is the hickey?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
