Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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