See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
