I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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